Making big decisions

"Kun maltat mielesi pääset maailmaan kyllä"
Jukka Poika - Älä tyri nyt

Hello dear people. I hope you all readers feel fine.

I came to say that my feeling´s been very stressed, even "out of this world"; I´ve had to force myself out of home for a long walks to clear my mind. This is because of the beginning of a new era of my life. I´m searching for a new apartment, this time from Helsinki (guess Espoo would be fine, as well). My fear is that the time runs out. You see, the new job is going to start on January and there´s no clue where to put my belongings and the cats.
There was an idea to try to find an apartment for me and my friend, but he had to took one for just himself because the agency offered it. I´m a bit disappointed because I was looking forward cooking together and fun things like that.
Well, some of my friends (still) keep on listening to my worries about these things I find pretty messy. I don´t know where I´m going to spend the christmas time, but hopefully the new year´s eve will be in the capital city and I can relax. But it´s sure this will turn to happiness. This is me making my biggest dream come true.

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What do I believe in?

"Oletko vielä entisesi, Roi?"
Jonna Tervomaa - Roi


There was a postcrosser who wanted me to answer the question "What/whom do you believe in?" There was a couple things that came to my mind and thought which would be the most interesting topic to tell about.
I chose good will. I believe in people´s good will because my somewhat hippie mind says that we need to look after each other. I don´t know if anybody gets this, but I try to explain. It doesn´t mean we should be more curious or do something for somebody without asking, but even knowing somebody we should be able to ask what´s the time without getting bad look. It´s about small things. What about asking something in general. "Can I borrow your screwdriver because I don´t own one?" "Could you please drive me home when you´re going, too?" Anyway, why should it be so difficult to give a helping hand when it doesn´t take anything from you? No money or energy get lost.

It´s been a year I broke up with my girlfriend. After the most hurting time I sent her a message and asked how is she doing. This may sound odd and not all behave like this, but my reason was I honestly wanted to know. She sent me a dvd I had forgot her place, said that wanted to give it back because it´s my favourite movie. So she didn´t wrote any message so I asked about it and were right about the sender.
We weren´t friends until yesterday. I asked if it would be possible. We didn´t know each other very well when started the relationship, so I thought why not to get to know better now. I don´t want to avoid anybody like "I can´t go there because they´re in there" (or be up to this person). I just want that everybody are happy. If she would had said "No, I don´t see us as friends" it would had been okay to me.
Respecting other people and their choices, it´s so much but you should get it back, too.

So this is my story about good will. I don´t believe in God or any "bigger power" that controls us. I believe in human.

For those who don´t know where to stay

I have written poems about being lost in some way and finding the own place to call home. Or something like that. I realised there´s already several of them and wanted to collect them here. People want to hear songs about their current mood so maybe this texts can help someone even a bit as well.
(Btw, you can always correct my English. Don´t want to write willy nilly.)

Dragons will survive 

Mist

Tulenpalava 

Kuumailmapallo

"The best way is to go day by day"

"Onko tuo muka jotain elämää?"
Heli Kajo - Annankadun kulmassa

I do have long walks around my hometown,
appreciate my unfinished poems and try to fix them,
play with the cats so would get some sleep at night,
own a sketch book and some black marker pens
and bougth fluffy little rug to the bathroom from buy/sell/change,

but still don´t get anything done.

Waiking up at 5.30 A.M. and going to work. And then what? Something small but anything to mention. What makes me disappointed the most is that I have felt several years that I´m not so artistic. It always sounds very cool when someone says they are. Html, water colors, drawing with pencil, singing, guitar playing. At least I try to write and like English as well as my mother tongue. Yes, writing is my skill but I would like to be known as "good at (something everybody admires)".
So I care too much about other people´s opinions and forget myself?

Let´s think someone tells about a great vocation. I get jealous. Why? Because I was just thinking about future instead of doing something for it? Well, I was earning money and that´s important. I was concentrating on my hobbies (so I know how to make myself happy at the moment). And did you know, that I´m pretty sure I´d be a bit scared on a plane, not to mention ships.

Well, let´s go day by day, found it the best way.

To do list

So, I (finally) decided to start writing in English. It´s cool to practice the language now that I´m not at school.

To do list:

* Get the Zooplus package from the post office
* My brother´s and his fiancé´s housewarming party on Saturday
* So buy a present to J and H (Oh imagination, where are you?)
* Jukka Poika´s gig in a bar on weekend
* Go to the dentist
* Keep on taking long walks and enjoy it
* Buy new towels and bedsheets

It makes me happy when...

"Can I take ya, take ya higher" 
Angus & Julia Stone - Big jet plane

...my cats are feeling fine (and not jumping onto walls).

...I remember something I loved as a child (and still be able to do something about/with it).

...there´s a t-shirt of one of my favourite bands in the closet.

...there´s something AMAZING waiting for me!!

Mitä on rohkeus?

Onko linnut rohkeita tuolla omassa maailmassaan?
                       Yksi ilman auraa, tai toinen ohuessa höyhenpeitteessään.

Onko meidän posteljoonilla rohkea olo pudottaessaan kirjeitä vieraiden ihmisten postiluukkuihin?
                                                 Olenko itse rohkeampi kuin uskonkaan?

Kuvat: weheartit.com

Minusta rohkeus tarkoittaa
halua ja päätöstä tehdä asioita omalla tavalla. Se on asioiden tekemistä muiden mielipiteistä välittämättä.

Määritelmästä tulee mieleen myös itsekkyys.

Mun pitäisi olla itsekkäämpi, jotta saisin joihinkin asioihin potkua.
Aika varmasti silloin tuntisin rohkeutta: "Jes mä tein sen, pystyn samaan mihin muutkin".
Nämähän on hyviä ystäviä keskenään; rohkeus, hyvä itsetunto ja itsekkyys.

Jos ajatellaan, niin mistä pelko tai arkuus saa alkunsa?
Vilkkaasta mielikuvituksesta, itsensä vähättelystä, tunteesta olla jonkun alapuolella.

Joten miksi siis pelätä tervehtiä vierustoveria junassa (Varsinkin, kun itse istuu pitkää matkaa puutuneena).
Sehän saattaa piristää ja tuoda pientä mukavaa jännitystä. Siinä ei menetä mitään, jos toinen ei vastaa.

Pääasia on, että yrittää. Miten merkittävältä kuulostaakaan ajatus itsensä ylittämisestä.