Thought 24

Yo! Hoodie from big bro.

 
My Christmas miracle
I´ve spent Christmas at mom´s, met all my family here. Relaxing time! So wonderful to enjoy the atmosphere in here. But if you´ve wished me peaceful holiday time you get disappointed now because my cats have wrestled under the Christmas tree, and it almost fell down because of eager dog.
The fresh tree smells nicely in the corner of living room. It´s decorated by pretty old fashion style so it looks familiar to me. There´s still two gifts under the sprigs, guess including chocolate.
My stomach is so full of tradional casserole foods and sweets, so it feels like don´t need to eat for a week. I have to say it´s weird that no one mentioned my eating habits; they didn´t joke about me eating ham as much they do. So that´s my "Christmas miracle" :D
Oh and I got some gifts that made me very happy: a small and cute piggy bank, heart magnet, and a board that says "Good luck for the new home" by J and H´s handwriting.

Here´s a tip for you if your cats tend to bite plants inside.

Thought 23

Hello lovely people. You might think what to give me for a housewarming gift ;)
At the moment I´m still in Oulainen, surfing on mulletoi.com. And here´s one thing I´d like to get, "poetry on fridge door":
http://www.mulletoi.com/shop/etusivu/prod__87601_jaakaappirunous
One night left here, but I haven´t really thought about it because it´s been so much to do. Even tomorrow morning I have to go to work before meeting my family.

Last night I went to sleep about at 3 A.M. because watching some interesting videos on Youtube. They were young people´s stories about how they have "came out". You know, rainbow stuff. So these youngsters have had tough times with confusing questions in their head and had wanted to share experiences.
I came out three years ago. It´s still exciting, kind of. Every time with new friend I think "To tell or not to tell?". It doesn´t really matter but if I mention it feels more relaxed.

Pics from weheartit.com

Thoughts 21 and 22

My favourite tv-shows

LA Ink / Pic: tvlistings.zap2it.com

Friends / Pic: frendit.org

Putous / Pic: mtv3.fi

The couch
J&H got my couch and kitchen table out of this apartment. There´s no place for them in my new home and I´m going to buy new things in there.
We heard noise coming inside of the couch when turning it. So J broke the cloth and (because it has been in day-care-center) we saw legos and other stuff inside of it. Hoped something exciting...too bad.

I´d like to change the bed and computer table, too. It´s the idea about choosing myself, no so much second-hand anymore. Show me the way to Ikea?

White inside, white outside.

Thought 20

It hurts
I fell down on stairs when carrying a big garbage bag. Complaining or not in the staircase where echos? Complaining, because it hurts and must get up carefully. So walking is a bit painful. Ice gel would be good.

Pic: weheartit.com

Thoughts 18 and 19

Packing on tuesday

Plastic bags are not ecological but easier to carry.


The teddy roast

Thought 17

White wonder
Waking up in this wonderland
white as the ghosts
I used to fear in my childhood

Makes me wonder
if this could be good for me
Then I realise I´m not alone

I see shadows kissing on the snow
It´s the poetic scene
from a silent movie
devoted to me today

- 7.2.2010

 

Thought 16

Names

I saw one article in Internet that tells about some new names people have given their children:
http://www.mtv3.fi/uutiset/kotimaa.shtml/lejondotter-uncas-ja-merikarhu---naita-nimia-ei-saanut-antaa-lapselle/2012/08/1591873
Well, the Finns have been very imaginative. The board that has the authority to make desicions within names has supported (for example) the names Eveliia, Rosabella and Vivana because "they are very beautiful". Some examples of boys´ names would be Hekku, Temppu and Uljas Urhea Mikonpoika. The board thinks these names sounds real names, not nicknames.

When taking a look towards the population register, we can see the most popular names in the year 2012:
http://verkkopalvelu.vrk.fi/Nimipalvelu/nimipalvelu_etunimitop.asp?vuosi=13&L=1
It shows my name is on the 3th position. Also Sofia and Maria are keeping their places. Guess they never get old. We can say the same about Juhani, Johannes and Mikael.

Thought 15

Things in my current home

Thought 14

Waiting for Christmas

Last Christmas mom put one ornament so down that the cats could play with it.

Thought 13

Oulainen today

Did you know I don´t like winter? There´s no sense in this snowsquall.

Something delightful: hot chocolate with real chocolate that reminds me of childhood.

Thought 12

Happy 12.12.12!

Here´s a song that played in my head today:

Thought of the day part 11

My favourite pic taken in summer 2012

- In Oulu -

Thought of the day part 10

The dream I never forget
I was living high scool times when I start to saw scary and distressing dreams about rooms.
At many nights in a row I saw myself in a big house sneaking in a room after room. I was holding a flashlight in my hand because all the houses were dark. Every time I opened the door just as much as I could see that there´s nothing afraid of. No people or other figures, just ordinary furnitures and stuff.
In some of these dreams I was in a place familiar from childhood. They were just the same but didn´t comfort me at all.

Suddenly I was standing on the outside door of a big house. It was so confusing, took time to think what is the explanation for this twist.
But what happened in the last episode of this chain of dreams? I was taking a look at the house next to the mailbox. I realised I left the house!

Never saw these dreams again. Guess I was looking for something in my life, didn´t know what for sure.
Of course I checked the word "house" but it meant something positive. No fear or losing control of something. So it´s a mystery to me, still. But still I don´t like too much space around me, for example living in a two-room flat felt uncomfortable just by myself.

Thought of the day part 9

The test
I´m very curious when it comes to different kind of tests. The most interesting of them tell about personality.

I found one from https://www.ireflect.info/user_session/new
You can sign in with your LinkedIn or Facebook account (for free).

My result says I´m romantic. I´ve thought that word is not for me but I understand the explanation. One line from it goes: "One of your greatest assets is your ability to live in harmony with other people and the environment. You pay attention to the way people are treated, and you react to their needs."

So there´s one suggestion for your activity today. No boring moments on Sunday!

Thought of the day part 7 and 8

7.12. Friday flu = time to watch sweet dreams

8.12. Saturday surfing

by Jarkko Vehniäinen

Comics and caricatures: www.jarkkovehniainen.fi

Thought of the day part 6

HIM
All my friends know that the number one band for me is HIM. Because they have just published a new compilation album (called XX - Two decades of love metal) I wanted to show pictures taken in my very first HIM gig, in 2008 in Ankkarock. I was so excited that I started to cry when seeing Ville. It was embarrassing but couldn´t help it.

My friend had bought a henna tattoo for me. It wasn´t dry yet so it started to spill on my wrist. Some years later I was sitting on a bench with a tattoo needle in my hand and a real heartagram tattoo got it´s first lines. My big brother finished it by coloring. Do you think it´s crazy to take fan tattoos? Maybe it is, but it´s one of extempore things in my life.

What´s your favourite song by HIM?

Pics by AK

Thought of the day part 5

Friends
One big question in my mind at the moment is what kind of people I´m going to meet in the future. And who will be my new friends in my "new life"? What would be the things they want to hang out with me?
One online friend of mine said: "It must be sunny day when we meet." It made me smile and look forward to get to know her better. It´s so nice when someone tells this kind of things out loud.

Thought of the day part 4

Tuesday´s trouble
I was so freezing when waking up that the teeth were clanking. Then I was late from work because of warming shower. So the proper winter is here... and Santa Claus may soon bring me surprises, right?

Thought of the day parts 1, 2 and 3

Saturday 1.12.
I enjoy trains. It´s so cool to travel by myself after finding confidence.

Sunday 2.12.
Uh..where am I? Yep, waking up in another strange place in Espoo with my friend. It´s been such an adventure to get to know her and her friends. This time we were at house warming party. I swear I didn´t drink much but it´s absolutely unpossible to do nothing but wait the Big Brother final this evening.
Hey now I remember the answer: we are in Karalahti.

Monday 3.12.
No way, I did it! What amazing feeling holding the new rental contract. Many phone calls to loved ones and walking in Kaisaniemi just thinking what´s happening right now.

Let´s go!

"I wonder if you´re out there having fun"
Natalie Imbruglia - Want

Old me with lip piercing.

Oh my...what a week it´s been. "This apartment or that, which one would be better and why..." Then I realised that one one-room flat "calls" me particularly, the one with excellent location. One friend of mine is coming to see this apartment in Helsinki with me. So, tomorrow is a Fun Friday :)

Let´s see if this inspires me when sitting in the train. I would like to write something positive, something about my own life this time. So I´m going to take my notebook with me, watch the clouds through the windows and just be. I just said to Anu that probably the best thing in train is that you can´t do nothing in there, just sit and relax.
My train leaves the station very early tomorrow so it´s time to say good night!

Life of the cats

Making big decisions

"Kun maltat mielesi pääset maailmaan kyllä"
Jukka Poika - Älä tyri nyt

Hello dear people. I hope you all readers feel fine.

I came to say that my feeling´s been very stressed, even "out of this world"; I´ve had to force myself out of home for a long walks to clear my mind. This is because of the beginning of a new era of my life. I´m searching for a new apartment, this time from Helsinki (guess Espoo would be fine, as well). My fear is that the time runs out. You see, the new job is going to start on January and there´s no clue where to put my belongings and the cats.
There was an idea to try to find an apartment for me and my friend, but he had to took one for just himself because the agency offered it. I´m a bit disappointed because I was looking forward cooking together and fun things like that.
Well, some of my friends (still) keep on listening to my worries about these things I find pretty messy. I don´t know where I´m going to spend the christmas time, but hopefully the new year´s eve will be in the capital city and I can relax. But it´s sure this will turn to happiness. This is me making my biggest dream come true.

weheartit.com

What do I believe in?

"Oletko vielä entisesi, Roi?"
Jonna Tervomaa - Roi


There was a postcrosser who wanted me to answer the question "What/whom do you believe in?" There was a couple things that came to my mind and thought which would be the most interesting topic to tell about.
I chose good will. I believe in people´s good will because my somewhat hippie mind says that we need to look after each other. I don´t know if anybody gets this, but I try to explain. It doesn´t mean we should be more curious or do something for somebody without asking, but even knowing somebody we should be able to ask what´s the time without getting bad look. It´s about small things. What about asking something in general. "Can I borrow your screwdriver because I don´t own one?" "Could you please drive me home when you´re going, too?" Anyway, why should it be so difficult to give a helping hand when it doesn´t take anything from you? No money or energy get lost.

It´s been a year I broke up with my girlfriend. After the most hurting time I sent her a message and asked how is she doing. This may sound odd and not all behave like this, but my reason was I honestly wanted to know. She sent me a dvd I had forgot her place, said that wanted to give it back because it´s my favourite movie. So she didn´t wrote any message so I asked about it and were right about the sender.
We weren´t friends until yesterday. I asked if it would be possible. We didn´t know each other very well when started the relationship, so I thought why not to get to know better now. I don´t want to avoid anybody like "I can´t go there because they´re in there" (or be up to this person). I just want that everybody are happy. If she would had said "No, I don´t see us as friends" it would had been okay to me.
Respecting other people and their choices, it´s so much but you should get it back, too.

So this is my story about good will. I don´t believe in God or any "bigger power" that controls us. I believe in human.

For those who don´t know where to stay

I have written poems about being lost in some way and finding the own place to call home. Or something like that. I realised there´s already several of them and wanted to collect them here. People want to hear songs about their current mood so maybe this texts can help someone even a bit as well.
(Btw, you can always correct my English. Don´t want to write willy nilly.)

Dragons will survive 

Mist

Tulenpalava 

Kuumailmapallo

"The best way is to go day by day"

"Onko tuo muka jotain elämää?"
Heli Kajo - Annankadun kulmassa

I do have long walks around my hometown,
appreciate my unfinished poems and try to fix them,
play with the cats so would get some sleep at night,
own a sketch book and some black marker pens
and bougth fluffy little rug to the bathroom from buy/sell/change,

but still don´t get anything done.

Waiking up at 5.30 A.M. and going to work. And then what? Something small but anything to mention. What makes me disappointed the most is that I have felt several years that I´m not so artistic. It always sounds very cool when someone says they are. Html, water colors, drawing with pencil, singing, guitar playing. At least I try to write and like English as well as my mother tongue. Yes, writing is my skill but I would like to be known as "good at (something everybody admires)".
So I care too much about other people´s opinions and forget myself?

Let´s think someone tells about a great vocation. I get jealous. Why? Because I was just thinking about future instead of doing something for it? Well, I was earning money and that´s important. I was concentrating on my hobbies (so I know how to make myself happy at the moment). And did you know, that I´m pretty sure I´d be a bit scared on a plane, not to mention ships.

Well, let´s go day by day, found it the best way.

To do list

So, I (finally) decided to start writing in English. It´s cool to practice the language now that I´m not at school.

To do list:

* Get the Zooplus package from the post office
* My brother´s and his fiancé´s housewarming party on Saturday
* So buy a present to J and H (Oh imagination, where are you?)
* Jukka Poika´s gig in a bar on weekend
* Go to the dentist
* Keep on taking long walks and enjoy it
* Buy new towels and bedsheets

It makes me happy when...

"Can I take ya, take ya higher" 
Angus & Julia Stone - Big jet plane

...my cats are feeling fine (and not jumping onto walls).

...I remember something I loved as a child (and still be able to do something about/with it).

...there´s a t-shirt of one of my favourite bands in the closet.

...there´s something AMAZING waiting for me!!

Mitä on rohkeus?

Onko linnut rohkeita tuolla omassa maailmassaan?
                       Yksi ilman auraa, tai toinen ohuessa höyhenpeitteessään.

Onko meidän posteljoonilla rohkea olo pudottaessaan kirjeitä vieraiden ihmisten postiluukkuihin?
                                                 Olenko itse rohkeampi kuin uskonkaan?

Kuvat: weheartit.com

Minusta rohkeus tarkoittaa
halua ja päätöstä tehdä asioita omalla tavalla. Se on asioiden tekemistä muiden mielipiteistä välittämättä.

Määritelmästä tulee mieleen myös itsekkyys.

Mun pitäisi olla itsekkäämpi, jotta saisin joihinkin asioihin potkua.
Aika varmasti silloin tuntisin rohkeutta: "Jes mä tein sen, pystyn samaan mihin muutkin".
Nämähän on hyviä ystäviä keskenään; rohkeus, hyvä itsetunto ja itsekkyys.

Jos ajatellaan, niin mistä pelko tai arkuus saa alkunsa?
Vilkkaasta mielikuvituksesta, itsensä vähättelystä, tunteesta olla jonkun alapuolella.

Joten miksi siis pelätä tervehtiä vierustoveria junassa (Varsinkin, kun itse istuu pitkää matkaa puutuneena).
Sehän saattaa piristää ja tuoda pientä mukavaa jännitystä. Siinä ei menetä mitään, jos toinen ei vastaa.

Pääasia on, että yrittää. Miten merkittävältä kuulostaakaan ajatus itsensä ylittämisestä.

Sadepäivän varalle

Tänään tapahtui niin, että kesken erään elokuvan aloin itkeä. Leffa oli ihan hyvä, ja mieltäni painava asia ei oo mun oma vikani. Kuitenkin parannan oloani musiikilla.
Tässä on...

paras versio Gone with the sin- biisistä. Rakastan tätä älyttömästi.

Sitten uutta The 69 eyesiltä, biisin nimi on Red:

Tämä Chisun video nauratti mua viimeksi (Kohtalon oma):

Kissarunoja

Fender, Mustang ja Strato
kaula kylki siipi
 kaartuva lapa
  kovera kurvi takapuolella
   kilpikonnanluinen plektrasuojus
ne olivat kaikki sinun kissojasi, livahtivat
kanssasi oveni raosta
sähisivät, raapivat ja raivosivat
joskus ne karkasivat eikä niitä näkynyt viikkoon
silloin minä ikävöin sinua
eikä kirjoituskoneen hupun alta
löytynyt yhtään sanaa

- Anja Snellman

Vedestä

"Forger of sun help me now"

Amorphis - Silent waters

Oscar katselee kiinnostuneena, kuinka suihkuvesi valuu lattiaviemäriin. Kissa tuijottaa pitkän aikaa, kunnes koittaa vettä tassullaan. Vesi on lämmintä, mutta ei kissan mieleen, muuten kuin juomana. Oscar hypähtelee pois kylpyhuoneesta ja nuolee kastuneet tassunsa. Tulen suihkusta, kietaisen pääkallopyyhkeen turbaaniksi päähän ja kuivaan kissan tassunjäljet puupinnalta.

Mä havaitsin jonkin asteisen vesikammoni eräällä luokkaretkellä, kun oltiin menossa lautalla Suomenlinnaan. Yhtäkkiä tuntui tosi ikävältä, tiedostin veden ympäröivän joka puolelta. Mielessä kävi ajatus veden syvyydestä, sitten taisin etsiä katseella pelastusrenkaan. Turvassahan siinä oltiin, mutta syy vesikammooni on tunne hallitsemattomuudesta. Opin uimaan joten kuten vasta 10-vuotiaana. Se oli tosi vastenmielistä hommaa koulun pakollisilla liikuntatunneilla. Muistan ne nyrpeänaamaiset uimaopet, jotka topakkana huitoi että "se on sinunkin mentävä veteen, että joskus opit". Kattelin, kun muut osas kroolata ja sukeltaa, ja miten ne uskalsivat hyppiä millon missäkin asennossa altaaseen.

Ennen koulua toki käytiin veljen ja isän kans polskimassa lähellä kotia olevalla montulla. Siellä vesi ei ollut syvää, eikä koskaan pelottanut, koska kukaan ei pakottanut mihinkään. Se oli hauskanpitoa, ja iho viileni mukavasti kuumana päivänä. Se oli aina isä, joka vei meidät kaksoset läträämään. Isoveljet muuten kertoi joskus löytäneensä tuolta paikalta "jotain hämäriä neuloja", nykyään siellä on asuintaloja.

Haastatellessani uimakerhon vetäjää paikallislehteen tämä lausui: "uimataito on kansallistaito". Siitä tuli jutun otsikko. Tuli melkein nolo olo, kun tuumailin mielessäni, että minuapas et sais mukaan millään.
Mä en oo uinut nyt ainakaan kahdeksaan vuoteen, mutta en enää häpeä uimataidottomuuttani. Enkä oo kastanut edes varpaita (järvi)veteen moneen vuoteen. Jos seison vähänkin huojuvan laiturin päässä ja katson vain järven pintaa, päässä tuntuu huimausta ja peräännyn.

Kuitenkin kaikenlainen vesi, oli se vaikka sadetta tai luonnossa liplattavaa, tai jäätä, inspiroi mua tosi paljon. Satamat ja laiturit, veneet ja laivat, sateenvarjot, sekä hyppy kuralammikkoon inspiroivat myös. Jännä juttu, tässäkin näen ristiriitaisuutta: sitä käsittelee aihetta, joka ei ole lähellä omaa sydäntä. Mutta kyseessä on kuitenkin elementti, jota käsittelee päivittäin. Ihmiset regoi erilaiseen veteen eri tavalla.
Annan lempiesimerkkini: Istuin aamubussissa matkalla kouluun. Olin vanhin, aina kyydissä ollut koululainen. Toiselta pysäkiltä nousee kyytiin kaverukset, kaksi poikaa, ja ne istuvat bussin etuosaan. Vesisade ropisee bussin kattoon ja pisarat valuu pitkin ikkunoita, nopeammin ja nopeammin. Toinen pojista osoittaa ikkunaa ja toteaa: "kato, ihan kuin nuo kilpailis että kumpi on eka alhaalla". Se lämmitti mun mieltä hirveästi. Lapset aina jutteli isoon ääneen tuossa bussissa, mutta tämä juttu oli kaikkein paras. Niinpä sain siitä aihetta runoon, ja myöhemmin lyhkärin käsikirjoitukseen sekä dramaturgian "vesi"-aiheiseen kirjoitusharjoitukseen.

Oscar

"Eläin sisälläsi naukuu ja mouruaa"

Don Huonot - Kissaihmiset

Tämä 3kk:n ikäinen veijari saapui luokseni eilen illalla :) Jo alussa se ällistytti mua rohkeudellaan; oli istunut tulomatkan pikkutytön sylissä vailla kantokoppaa tai valjaita, ja pihallakin pysyi rauhallisena minut, uuden ihmisen nähdessään. (Huomatkaa persoonallinen merkki otsasta nenänpäähän.)

Niinpä Oscar oli kuin kotonaan sisälle tultua, ja kiersi tutkimassa joka paikan. Tämän sanottiin olevan veljeään lempeämpi. Se oli ratkaiseva huomio pentujen valinnassa. Kuitenkin Oscar on tosi leikkisä, hienoa huomata.

Kaikki löytämänsä lelut on kiinnostaneet Oscaria. Erityisesti mun pieni vanha nalle, johon ruiskutin kissanminttua. Raapimapuu on mieluinen, joten ei tarvitse ostaa uutta. Ajattelin jo, että onkohan liikaa toisen kissan hajuja, mutta kotiutuminen sujuu hyvin.

Nykyiset ruokakupitkin menee ja ruokahalu on hyvä...

...niin on unenlahjatkin (1v vanhan) Eeliksen vieressä. Tosin ekasta yöstä ei meinannu tulla mitään, koska Eelis ois halunnu koko ajan nuuskia pientä ja painia. Oon ollut tänään älyttömän väsynyt, mutta tokihan alussa pitää seurailla, miten pojat tottuu toisiinsa.